Monday, July 28, 2008

What a long strange trip it has been


I just woke up, So I will try to get this down.

I went on a tour in bus, they picked me up in Chicago. I didn't know anyone there, about 8 different hippie types in their 20's and 30's. We went camping, traveling along the oceanfront the whole way. We slept in the woods in tents. This friendly girl offered me to let her stay in the tent. I remember we went shopping in groceries for food, did potlucks, and then things got bizarre.

I started interacting with the water, found another kind of world, and became impregnated by something from the water...I do not know what, other than it was a reptilian, amphibious, or fish form, sentient, and that I had an egg inside me. I fel pregnant. This was supposed to be a special thing. The gestation period lasted two weeks I was told. I remember feeling this thing inside of me, but it was not a frightening presence, it was kind of fascinating, and I felt that it was not going to be a child of mine, that i was only a vessel.

Then there was a blank period. The next thing I remembered is getting off the bus in a parking garage in what i knew was Chicago. I was kind of surprised at how quickly they left me and a few other people, as I don't recall wanting to get off the bus. I thought that they had left my suitcase in the bus as I did not have time to look through it. Turns out they had carried out all baggage that was not theirs and I found my suitcase, but i had apparently called them, they came back just to make sure . Then they left again. Then David came to pick me up. He asked me about the trip. I realized I had blacked out for a long time...days....and did not know what happened. I had a feeling that nothing much had happened, but by the way I was kind of unceramoniously dumped off, it was as if I had behaved oddly. David helped me piece together that perhaps I had had a manic episode. Looking back, I was certain I did, and that i had remembered smoking pot...which in real life I have not done for over a year. This upset me as not only do I not really want to smoke pot (am trying the drug free kind of thing...another story) and perhaps a hallucinigen that I had not remembered taking, though I doubt that, because I know that taking any form of hallucinigan in my past has led to mania in my waking life. There was no rememberance of the egg, but fear at blacking out in a total way that I never have done before. I was definitely not carrying anything inside me anymore, but as I spoke with David, that was not the part I remembered. I remembered camping one night, looking out the window at the beautiful ocean, and several days of nothing.

I was not very happy at not knowing things. The only time I have had overload and not remembered anything is when I have been psychotically manic (in real life) Then i realized that what had seemed to be a spiritual awakening was yet another of my manic episodes.

*End of dream*

I remember my dreams more when I keep sleeping past the normal period. David and I went canoing yesterday, it was beautiful, but hot, and my body reacts poorly to too much heat. Or it could have been other things. Basically, I slept from 4 pm yesterday to 9 pm, took some pills to help me get back to sleep including my nasty anti parkinsons drug for my restless leg syndrome, and went back to sleep from 11 pm til about 8 am. I was up for about an hour, then went to sleep from 9-11 again this morning. That is when I had this dream.

I do finally feel awake though....and I have new boxes to put my jewelry. I am getting rid of old necklaces and also realized that I am never going to use all of the beads of glass I bought a few years ago. I do not need 1000 necklaces worth of czech glass. So I think I am going to package some up to sell at the artwalk and also possibly e-bay. I am afraid of e-bay though because then if I get a store I may start buying tons of stuff to sell thrift store lots, vollers corsets, costume jewelry, and everything I am good at searching out.

Regardless, these are my thoughts for the day. Hmmm. Okay, no wonder I must do meaningless things sometimes.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

If you have the time....

this is the best site for memes where you can waste hours answering hundreds of questions.

More about ME:

as if the blogthing tests have not shown enough, I have always known I am an eccentric, an epicurean, and unable to work for anyone else. I love collaborations and will share anything I own except for my computer....I don't like anyone touching my computer.

Here are some things I do like:

The DSM IV tm

fascinating movies with good cinematography

Not being able to have one favorite band, king of music, movie, book, etc.

tests that are very intensive and complicated and actually tell me about myself

gemstones and beading and great jewelry finds...

bodypainting...the best canvas is living skin!

Wet process prints....even though I shoot digital. I long for more film when I have the money to get a film camera etc.

seeing new things

Collecting beautiful things from clothes to art to little objects to jewelry to masks to fabric....i need lots of storage bins.

Going places for a long period of time so I can soak in the culture

Studying different subcultures of people and finding people who are interesting enough to really get to know

The ability to find such people quickly and interact with them

Having someone stay with me past my nervous talking stage and really getting to know each other.

Being intuitive enough and having enough experience to make others think I am a psychic witch.

Being a psychic witch

Using old forms of personality indicators such as numerology and tarot to find out what things people respond to as an indicator of who they are. I believe that true intuitives can use all kinds of tools to find out what people know and think about themselves as well as things they reject so strongly it indicates conflict.

Not reading the news because it is basically irrelevent to my life, unless someone else tells me.

Learning about great things I don't know about from others. I.E. music, books artists

Turning other people on to stuff I love

Candles and making a fire last for a long time

Water. I cannot live somewhere that is landlocked. I need a river or a lake or an ocean nearby. Otherwise I dry up.

studying things like voudou and mythology and all kinds of symbols from different cultures.

More later. These were just off the cuff.

Now onto editing and simcountry.....

Okay, these are too simple....I like the ENTP ones...meyers briggs, MMPI, etc. and I am too lazy to find those now :D

Your Birthdate: February 7

You are an island. You don't need anyone else to make you happy.

And though you see yourself as a loner, people are drawn to you.

Deep and sensitive, you tend to impress others with your insights.

You also tend to be psychic - so listen to that inner voice!

Your strength: Your self sufficiency

Your weakness: You despise authority

Your power color: Maroon

Your power symbol: Hammer

Your power month: July

This one is a lie...I am water or air...grrrr. and this is the second time they say I am yellow....grrrrrr hate yellow too.

Your Power Element is Earth

Your power color: yellow

Your energy: balancing

Your season: changing of seasons

Dedicated and responsible, you are a rock to your friends.

You are skilled at working out even the most difficult problems.

Low key and calm, you are happiest when you are around loved ones.

Ambitious and goal oriented, you have long term plans to be successful.

One of my favorite colors, but not in blogs. Why should I create a meme when I can take them....

Your Blog Should Be Purple

You're an expressive, offbeat blogger who tends to write about anything and everything.

You tend to set blogging trends, and you're the most likely to write your own meme or survey.

You are a bit distant though. Your blog is all about you - not what anyone else has to say.

Actually I think it ws this one...did I mention this one just asks for your is totally random...

You Are The Magician

You are powerful and wise - beyond what anyone can see.

Deeply complex, you have the resources to connect to the spiritual and material world.

You posses the knowledge to manipulate your life and the lives around you.

You also have a great healing power, should you choose to use it.

Your fortune:

You have unhidden powers that you have yet to tap into.

Soon, you will better understand how to use your intellect and intuition.

Believe it or now, you will discover how you can manipulate yourself and others for good.

You are at the beginning of a path of spiritual enlightenment.

I would have to agree with this one....I think in numerology I get this one...have to find out again.

You Are The Fool

You are a fascinating person who is way beyond the concerns of this world.

Young at heart, you are blissfully unaware of any dangers ahead.

You are a true wanderer - it has be difficult finding your place in this world.

Full of confidence, you are likely to take a leap of faith.

Your fortune:

You are about to embark on a new phase in your life.

This may mean changing locations, jobs, friends, or love status.

You are open about what the future will bring, and free of worry.

You have made your peace with fate, and you're ready to start down your new path.

I think this is starting to be posterbation?

You Should Be a Painter

You have the vision, patience, and skill to bring your unique visions to canvas.

And you're even tempered enough not to cut your ear off in the process!

nah...I am not bored or obsessive or procrastinatin

You Should Drive a Pink Car

You're the type of driver who really loves your car.

You can make a car last for ages - or take good care of a vintage ride.

You're independent, creative, and very expressive.

You consider your car a part of you ... and you want to make it as funky as possible.

Some happenings at the lapis hotel

I don't do enough documentary photography, and I have a lot more images I must dig up, but here are some that are easily accessible that show a few outtakes of the lapis hotel....

Oh, some of these were during photoshoots, but that doesn't make them less real....None of these were posed :D

This is why I do economic strategies on a war game....

You Are Not Destined to Rule the World

You are destined for something else...

Like inventing a new type of cupcake.

You just don't have the stomach for brutality.

But watch out - because many people do!

less addictive than I thought...hahaha

Your Personality is 49% Addictive

You may have an addictive personality, but you have it mostly under check.

Just don't start any new bad habits, okay?

i was honest here....because who cares what goddess I am...I wanted to know :D

You Are Artemis!

Brave, and a natural born leader.

You're willing to fight for what you believe in...

And willing to make tough decisions.

Don't forget - the people around you have ideas too!

okay, maybe I lied a little bit....

Your EQ is 147

You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin.

You are warm and open. Even when life gets you down, you're unafraid of the world and its challenges.

You are comfortable with who you are. And you accept your weaknesses - as well as the weaknesses of others.

While you are quite stable, you don't respond perfectly to every bad situation that comes up.

But you have enough emotional intelligence to know when you need a course correction.

Why I love memes...Pt I

Your EQ is 173

Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

Seriously though, your whole "Don't Worry, Be Happy" philosophy is really what defines emotional intelligence.

You're warm, open, and very optimistic. You know how to act appropriately, even if you don't feel like it.

You are a good communicator, and you have little difficulty with personal relationships - even when you're dealing with difficult people.

In general, you are successful, capable, together person. You get what you want out of life.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Strange Dreams

David came back, and as always, I slept a lot, kind of a decompression, a relaxation of myself. When i sleep a lot, I get strange dreams. So let me try to write this one down. In this dream, my maternal grandmother and my female first cousin are meeting me at a house. The house isn't really large or small, but most of it occurs in the upstairs, which is primarily without furniture except for a double bed and there is another room downnstairs where they made a room up for myself and David. The bed where I am staying upstairs is the one I am dreaming I am laying in. It is dark, kind of in an attic, and there is a balcony to the outside with stairs from the first floor. I sense a backyard, but there are curtains. David is also coming home, but I am unable to fully wake up and talk to anyone. The house is occupied by two men, I believe they are my old boyfriend andy's friends from college but instead they take the role of my friends, who used to dislike Andy's friends. But they are male. So, My grandmother and my cousin and David are not there yet. They give me this bed to sleep in until everyone arrives and then they are preparing a room to sleep in.

In reality, in waking life, my grandmother has been dead for many years and suffered Alzheimers for many years before then. David arrived but I could not really wake up, i just remember my friends coming up and kind of bitching about him. Then my grandmother came into my room, and I could not move. I was awake, and worked very hard to get off the bed to say hello. She saw me waking up and I reached my hands up so she could pull me up. She was able to do this with a strong grasp. Then I went out onto the balcony and had a cigarette and talked with her, I do not remember what about. Then I went back to sleep. Then David came back and said they had made a room for us, and I acknowldeged that and went back to sleep, again. I kept trying to get up. Then my cousin, who was also younger than she is now, arrived and I tried to get off the bed. She could not pull me up. I made a large effort to raise myself and then of course woke up from the dream.

I also recall an earlier dream where David and myself were living/moving into a larger house, and it was in kind of a weird suburb, there were woods, the house was wood, but still too many neighbors with similiar houses for me to feel happy. I think we had a golf course adjoining the backyard of this house.

I cannot really interpret these dreams, but i did wake up and tell david that we had to move all the excess boxes to quan's apartment and all the other stuff cluttering my living room When i woke up. He said he already knew that i had been thinking that.
Maybe all of the new stuff in here, the nice bed, the clutter, makes me feel that i am moving in again.

Anyhow, I can clean up what I have better if we get all the unnecessary stuff out and move it into the basement instead of the first floor. Quan, our neighbor left for China and his apartment is paid for until the end of July. Thank God I can get the stuff out of my house so I can clean up what I want and then have the other stuff in the basement.

P.S. when one is dreaming their body is literally paralyzed to keep them from acting out the movements in their dream. So when one is slightly lucid, and unable to really wake up, sometimes this happens. At least to me I have had several dreams where I know I need to fully operate, adn when I work on actually moving, I wake up.

More fun pictures later...haha.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Today is NOT the day to give up smoking







Ugh. Listening to Amy Winehouse. My friend Elana stopped by and spent the night last night...hadn't seen her in a long time. she stopped by again today, and was going to call me about hanging out with some friends later on but she hasn't called yet, and it is getting past the time I will leave the house. David is coming back in less than 48 hours, Thurday morning early, which is good because I am not fully happy to be alone all the time. Friends been good, Alex ended up coming back and spending sat night with me, and my studio partner stopped by unexpectedly with an entourage Sunday....a makeup artist fresh out of beauty school who didn't really know photographic makeup, two models, another photographer and himself. He didn't expect to stop by and usually gives me more notice, so I had Alex and several strangers around in a messy house, which kind of triggered a wonderful anxiety attack. She, being the wonderful friend that she is yanked me out of the house for a few hours and we had a wonderul talk. So, I have been catching up with friends the last few days. Had a very good phone call with an old photographer of mine who I worked with quite a bit. Over 4 years, our relationship disentegrated for reasons I choose not to go into here, but he was one of the only people i have resentment towards. This conversation was extremely good at helping both of us set up the basis for at least coming to terms with our strange experiences together. I know we will never be the kind of friends we were, but I feel that my anger towards him has dissolved to a big extent, and that makes me feel much lighter. I don't like holding grudges, and now it appears that I don't have left. I can move on. If only I could clean my jewelry up. I guess that will come tomorrow. I wanted to see if I could have a friend come to spend a few hours with me, but at this point it looks like other than a few minutes with my neighbor I am going to be alone again. There are so many creative things I could be doing, but I am just working through myself. Oh well. Another photo of Alex, Elana, on the photographer took of me, and a wish for others that they may also have any anger and resentment towards others fall away. One cannot fly with rocks on ones ankles.

I need to edit a few of my documentary photos I took on sunday, mainly of my house in total disarray....but I figured if it was stock photography day..."shoot the day" I may as well shoot off some images documenting the lapis hotel.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

One of my good friends stopped by today.

And of course she is also one of my models. She is insanely busy and a total adreneline junkie...when she is not working on finishing her double major at Indiana University in Bloomington, she is working as a professional bellydance, doing hula tonight for a private party, and driving over a 1000 miles a week on her new Audi matches her personality. I don't want to know how fast she drives. Anyway, we have to find a flower to put in her always, it is fun and too brief when I see her. Maybe I can seduce her back here tonight to watch bad movies or something. Before she leaves me devestated and alone again for another night without David. He is out of town for the week, and it is really hard for me to sleep when no one else is in the house. At least I am watching a lot of movies? Met with a client yesterday and another tomorrow, so I am getting out of the house etc, just wish I had more friends over to hang out with. I guess I need to call and pester some people. hahaha.

Friday, July 18, 2008

only four posts...

blog readability test

TV Reviews

And my blog test thingie says you must be a genius to read this. How intuitive of it :D

Thursday, July 17, 2008

My history with Vodou

My Neighbor, Mambo anthropologist turned native:

Sculpture by Noah Vasilchick, old acquaintence and initiated Vodou and Santaria practitioner

Rebecca Laurence in the Lapis Hotel, posed in front of a Haitian snake sculpture with my favorite dangerous habit, lighting my glass table on fire with 91 percent distilled alcohol :D

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Why the Lapis Hotel

Because, this is where it happens. I have a multitude of outtakes but this one taken by marc whipple of me hanging out is a good start. Not really able to post a lengthy one today, but wanted to explain the title.

Kudos to Michael Rosen for calling my house the Lapis hotel as well as calling me famous lapis....that made me feel special at the time until I found out he called all his fave models famous...haha. However, I somehow took that and put it in my e mails. so, there we go. famouslapis and the Lapis hotel. courtesy of Michael Rosen.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

The Fabulous Puking Cat

I love my cat, she is my familiar. She is also an inveterate shredder, and every two weeks regardless of brushing, she spits up a spectacular hairball, which is easy to pick up, and occasionally some other wonderful things like half undigested food (usually if I don't take her food away after she throws up the hairball and gets hungry then overeats and starts throwing up again :D)

Cat people will appreciate this, dog people will probably find it disgusting...but hey, she doesn't pee on the floor, she is as affectionate as any dog, follows me everywhere, and is there all the time. A few hairballs is really a minor tradeoff, albeit a bit disconcerting when she insists on doing it when we are sleeping, particularly on our duvet cover. So, this morning we had to push her off the bed and I had to go to the first floor which is wood so any pukiness could be cleaned up with a minimum of mess. Of course, there is a bed there too and because of my mid cleaning cycle, there are also nice things on the floor like 2 dollar a sheet photo paper (in package) and lots of jewelry...soooooo inspiration to pick up I guess.

above you will see the infamous puker. Her name is Aura, and it took me three years to get this image. It seems that the only time she will actually look at my camera or allowing me to photographer her is in the middle of the studio shoot as seen in the other photo.
The model is Kordelia Devonshire, and this is one of my favorite bodyscapes, Alas, it is too 'weird' for omp....I could post it there with my chicken bodyscape, but I leave those images for here. I'll have to find the chicken photo later....anyhow, off to bed since I have been up since 7am, but I will be back later with more photos and updates on my life. I will not be photographing hairballs yet.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

It seemed brilliant at the time

Cleaning the house today....having fun looking at all the found things in my huge bead collection which is intermixed with hundreds of semi organized DVD's, CD, both photo and audio...and of course old bills and random scraps of paper. Here is one I found:

Sometimes externally identical behaviour is inspired by completely different internal mechanisms.

Great. was I high, manic or was this the beginning of a thesis? doesn't matter. I have it down. Now I can throw it away. another scrap into the garbage, and cleaning continues.